Spiritual Wellness

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Slowly read the following scripture, emphasizing the word in bold.  Allow the meaning to linger in your mind.  Then read the same scripture again, this time emphasizing a different word.  Repeat.

2 Timothy 1:7

God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power, love and a sound mind. (more…)

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I wanted to see the power given back to the young girl.  That’s what modern culture is trying to do – empower women.  When we get it right, the results are amazing – voting, education and equal opportunity.  The problem is that we so often get it wrong by giving young girls the freedom of pornography and oral sex.  Surely, the best and only solution isn’t for mom’s to shelter their daughters and prohibit their entry into 21st century America!

While perusing my January edition of Marie Claire, I came across an interview with author Caitlin Flanagan about the upcoming release of her new book, Girl Land (released Jan 12th.) When asked to share her thoughts about strong and sexy artists, she praised Beyonce because “Single Ladies” is a sexy way of saying ‘marry me.’  I loved that!  However, liberal sources are tearing this book apart, calling it sexist and limiting to females.  Cathi Hanauer at Elle magazine says that a modern upbringing doesn’t corrupt, but rather empowers young women.  She cites her daughter as an example of a young woman researching the humanitarian needs in Sudan via the Internet.  So, I had to find out for myself . . . What’s with all this chatter about Girl Land?

In the book, Girl Land is described as the territory between girlhood and womanhood.  It’s the times when we’re torn between the pink lace and play dolls of our youth, and the yearning to become an autonomous (and sexy) woman.  Flanagan, an award-winning essayist, investigates the evolution of Girl Land over the last century.  It’s no longer a safe journey, taken under the scrutiny of parents and safety of a village.  Instead, father’s abandon us, mothers want to be “cool” and the village is corrupt.  (more…)

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“You’re familiar with the old written law, ‘Love your friend,’ and its unwritten companion, ‘Hate your enemy.’ I’m challenging that. I’m telling you to love your enemies (and pray for them) . . . If all you do is love the lovable, do you expect a bonus? Anybody can do that. If you simply say hello to those who greet you, do you expect a medal? Any run-of-the-mill sinner does that.”

-The Words of Jesus  (paraphrased by The Message Bible, Matthew 5:43-47)

Who is your frenemy?

Enemy is a strong word, no doubt.  We think of evil powers and wars abroad. However, Jesus isn’t talking only about people who outright harass and bully us.  He’s talking about our frenemies . . . the people we love, but hate.  The ones who have more stuff than us – popularity, a dream job, Mr. Wonderful and maybe a puppy.  The ones who gossip behind our backs and play nasty GCB games with our soul.  Learning to love our frenemies takes us to a deeper layer in our heart – our motives.

From enemy to frenemy, do you intentionally pray for people . . . and with love in your heart?

Who can you add to your prayers this week?

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ASK ANGIE: I am an 18 year old grl.  I am very much interested in dance, so I joined a dance class near my house.  But, the instructor sometimes says that he loves me.  Since he’s married, I told him we would only be friends.  And, we became true friends.  Once, though, he kissed me and his wife saw this.  Now, I am feeling very shy and nervous to go to the class.  Should I leave the dance class and join some other place?  Or should I leave the dance altogether?  Please guide me in such a way that we will be true friends again. I don’t want to lose him.

Signed, For the Love of Dance (more…)

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Focused.  Energetic.  Determined.  I jumped into the New Year full steam ahead.  One week later, I was four clicks from mental overload.  “You need a break.”  I brushed the thought away too quickly.  Again, “You need a break.”  Filthy rotten lie!  I went back to my computer and continued researching articles, sending emails, checking off my to-do list.  Just once, I paused to asked myself, “Do I need a break?”  Silence. (more…)

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~Our Monday Mediation is paraphrased from Psalm 23:1~

God is my Provider & Protector, I shall not want.

I shall not want for romance.

I shall not want for respect or recognition.

I shall not want for promotions.

I shall not want for food, clothing or shelter.

I shall not want for riches.

Christ alone is my life’s supply.

I shall not want for . . .

How does your heart respond?

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“She pulled from the bag two frosted, pink and white animal cookies.  They were pretty.  Then, I ate one.  It was the best cookie I’d ever tasted.  Really, it was magical.  In one instant, all my yucky feelings vanished.  Just one bite and my world transformed into a better place.”

When I told my husband that I was starting a diet, he said I needed to see a therapist.  He suggested that if I tried to lose the weight, without addressing any underlying issues, I’d probably just pack it on again.  I agreed that he was correct while imagining that I was poking his eyes out.  I hated him for being right.  I asked Liz, a spiritual director and licensed therapist, to help me with my food issues.  When we first met, I told her how it all started . . .

I was only six years old when my parents divorced, and my dad moved into a small apartment down the road.  As a child I didn’t know what divorce meant.  I’m told that my parents sat me down and explained how my entire world was changing. While I have no memory of said discussion, I feel certain they didn’t mention how this would completely suck and require therapy well into adulthood.  Again, I was six.  I didn’t grasp the magnitude of the situation.  I remember thinking dad was on vacation. (more…)

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Reality TV is one of my guilty pleasures, so you can count on me to catch several episodes of The Bachelor.  I watch reality shows like this one because I’m fascinated by human nature.  What compels these women to argue, compete and embarrass themselves over a man who was just dumped by another woman? Seriously?! Quite.  Here at Spiritual Wellness, The Bachelor is serious business.  And since we’re all watching this nonsense, I mean serious business, I thought we ought to have a moment of reflection.

5 Dating Truths Derived from Watching the Bachelor:

1. Your only competition is your self. In dating, it seems like other women are your competition.  In fact, that’s the wrong perspective.  The right guy will love you for who you are – not because you’re better or worse than any other woman.  He’ll love you for you.  If the guy your dating is comparing you to other women, then he’s the problem.  Move on.
2. First impressions should never be rehearsed. I’m horribly embarrassed watching women give a canned introduction on the first episode of The Bachelor.  They’ve clearly been rehearsing their first impression for weeks.  It feels forced because it is forced.  The best relationships, in person or online, start naturally.  Put your best foot forward, but trying to impress just looks like your trying . . . trying too hard.
3. Smart girls lead with their strengths. Everyone has a sordid little secret – divorced, thigh cellulite or emotionally insecure.  There’s no need to mention that at the first rose ceremony (oops), I mean date.  Let a man get to know your personality and interests before divulging your past mistakes and present weakness.  If you divulge too soon, you’ll be labeled.  He’ll think, “Oh, she’s the girl with baggage.”  If you wait, he’s likely to think, “I’m really into this girl, I hope her previous marriage won’t be a problem for us.”
4. Unless you’ve been dating for several months, he’s not worth your tears. Crying after only a few dates (God forbid the first meeting!) means that you’re not crying about him.  It’s really about your own issues.  Be sure to sort those out before moving on to the next guy.
5. When dating becomes a game, it always ends in disaster. Don’t let a man play with your heart.  It’s not the stuff of true love.  There’s lot of clues that it’s a game.  You’re first hint . . . broken promises.

(Photos by The Bachelor)

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Our Family Christmas in Newport Beach

With my sisters, leaving Christmas wishes in the sand

(more…)

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“While I normally welcome input from friends, this was not the day.  Suddenly that dinosaur was sitting at the table, sharing our meal.  I smiled politely while raging inside, glaring at the dinosaur and cussing at my salmon salad.  Why didn’t I order those enchiladas?  I couldn’t remember.”

(scroll down to meet Max the Toxic Food mascot)

Argh! I had a session with my therapist yesterday and was forced to tell her about my epic failure of massive proportions in the war against food.  And because I’ve committed to take you along in my journey . . . I’m going public.

It was two weeks ago on the day of my last therapy session.  Just as our allotted hour was coming to a close, Liz cast a shadow on an already painful story I told her.  It was a story related to my parents divorce which is no doubt where this all started.  Duh.  I’m sure she was doing the therapist thing.  In fact, since I’m also a therapist by trade, I’m certain that’s what she was doing.  She said, “It sounds like eating is really about feeling powerless.  You might pay attention to the times you feel powerless.” End of session.

This was the smallest comment, but it felt like a dinosaur emerged from my heart and was suddenly staring me in the face.  As a kid, did you have those bath toys that start off as little pills, then expand in the water?  It looks like a gel cap, then when immersed in water grows into a giant foam dinosaur.  That’s what happened to me. (more…)

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I was 15lbs lighter and still looked chunky!  Seriously?!  That is how I learned the power of my inner confidence.  I was so comfortable with myself that my body reality was morphed.  That seems like a good thing.  Shouldn’t we all be confident with who we are, whatever our shape or size?  Yes, but . . .

I know it’s gimmicky and controversial, but I took on the HCG diet and it worked!  In hindsight, it would have been wise to consult a dietitian.  But, I know my body really well and felt comfortable navigating my course alone.   It was awesome! (more…)

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(I recently confessed to you that I’m in a toxic relationship with food.  A couple months into my recovery, I now invite you to join me in my journey toward wholeness.  You might ponder whether there is a toxic relationship in your life.  Food? Alcohol? People? Work? What is God saying to you?)

Since I’m a therapist by trade, I thought the best way to start the “Toxic Relationship” series is with an initial interview.  Knowing my background will help you contextualize our conversation moving forward.

If I were counseling myself about food, I’d start by asking questions like:  When did you first realize this was a problem?  How is it affecting your life?  What have you tried that’s worked? I’d save the deeper questions about childhood memories for later.

An initial interview with myself:

When did you first realize that food was a problem? Shortly after college. I was feeling snug in a size 16, which meant that if I gained any more weight, I could no longer (more…)

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Hey Ladies!  You don’t want to miss this week’s uh-mazing giveaway from DRIFTER JEWELRY! Every piece of Drifter Jewelry is one-of-a-kind, handcrafted from vintage and refurbished materials.  These fab earrings retail for $30, and they are predestined for one lucky winner of our random drawing.

Your name can be submitted for the drawing up to 3 times:

1. Leave a comment telling us how you would style the earrings.
2. Follow me on Twitter.  (Just be sure to send a Twitter message that reads “Drifter Entry.”)
3. Follow Drifter Jewelry on Twitter. (Again, send a Twitter message “Drifter Entry.”)

You don’t have to wait for the drawing to start your Drifter collection!  You can SHOP DRIFTER HERE.

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We can only confess what we first admit to ourselves.  And, it’s taken me several long, arduous years to admit it:  I’m in a toxic relationship . . .  with food.  In some sense, I’ve known it forever.  But recently, I’m coming to grips with the fact that this is a bigger problem than I have ever really acknowledged.  My therapist says I’m “owning my reality,” and that’s supposed to be a really good thing.  It doesn’t feel good.

This new awareness started in October with gentle nudges from God.  It’s only in hindsight that I know God was leading me.  At the time, food-related questions and thoughts kept flooding my mind.  Am I happy with my body image?  Will I always have health problems?  Why does dessert taste best when consumed in isolation? (more…)

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I just ADORE the way these three little Christmas gifts turned out!

#1 HEINZ KETCHUP BOTTLE

With our busy travel schedule, my husband and I are trying to play “ketchup” with friends.  (more…)

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One of my favorite films during the holiday is Little Women, inspired by Louisa May Alcott’s classic novel.  It’s a must read and a must see.

Every time I watch this movie, I’m inspired by the fictional character, Jo March.  Jo is the second eldest of the March girls.  She’s a free thinking tom boy who defies the domestic norms of her day.  She wants to write stories, teach and move people with her passion and wit.  And, she wants to fall in love.

Jo’s character is the kind of woman who wants to be the leading lady in her own life.  She’s the kind of woman who knows what she wants and isn’t afraid to pursue it.  I hope that we will all be so brave as we pursue our individual destinies.

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Alan Smith is a well-read, deep thinking theologian; but he’s also a dear friend and one of the best pastoral counselors I know.  That’s why I couldn’t be more excited about the release of  Alan’s new book, Unveiled: The Transforming Power of God’s Presence and Voice.  It’s all about faith and hearing God, which is the heart of Spiritual Wellness.

NOW you can enter to win an autographed copy of Alan’s book, Unveiled! To enter the random drawing, just leave a comment below.  Winner drawn next week.

The following is an excerpt from this new book by Alan Smith. To purchase your copy, click HERE.

We have three children. My wife delivered each of them at home with the help of a midwife. My wife is the coolest woman on the planet.

Home birth was Nancy’s idea, not mine; I must admit I took a bit of convincing to warm up to the idea. No doctors? No drugs? What if something goes wrong? Nancy’s take—hospitals are for sick people and pregnancy is not a sickness. I got used to the idea. Eventually. (more…)

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Yay!  It’s a Little Angels Giveaway!  Just in time for your little angel’s stocking stuffer.  Be sure to watch our interview with creator, Roma Downey, from Touched by Angel. To enter the random drawing, leave a comment telling me why the little angel in your life will enjoy this DVD.  For an extra entry, follow me on Twitter.  Winner drawn next week.

(Please note that I do not represent Little Angels, nor benefit from the sale of merchandise.)