Spiritual Wellness

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At Glen Beck’s “Restoring Honor” rally he urged Americans to renew their faith in God. He said, “This day is a day that we can start the heart of America again. And it has nothing to do with politics. It has everything to do with God.”

I think a rally on the steps of the Lincoln Memorial, on the anniversary of Dr. King’s “I Have a Dream” speech, must have at least something to do with politics.  And yet, what exactly it has to do with politics is not my concern.

I’m interested in the bit about God. Why is a TV talk show host calling Americans to restore their faith in God?  It hints to a biblical reference of when “foolish things confound the wise.”  So, perhaps he’s right?  Perhaps we do need to restore faith?  But, isn’t that a bit ambiguous?

How Do We Restore Our Faith?

Most Americans (around 95%) still believe in God. We just can’t seem to nail down the particulars. We’re sort of wandering around aimlessly trying to figure out where He is or what She looks like.  I’m merely suggesting that most Americans would not recognize God even if Jesus walked up to them in Birkenstocks and a glowing halo.  If you urge someone who believes in God to restore their faith, what exactly should they do?  Go to church?  If so, then we face another dilemma.  Church appears to be a main factor in the collapse of faith in America.

I recently read a Rolling Stones interview with pop-singer icon Katie Perry where she talked about her ultra-religious, church-going parents. She said, “I knew about hell from the moment I understood a sentence. I wasn’t ever able to say I was ‘lucky,’ because my mother didn’t like that ‘lucky’ sounded like ‘Lucifer.’”  She went on to say that despite her upbringing, she still considers herself a Christian.  If Katie Perry believes in God, how should she restore her faith?

I think Perry’s story is indicative of the type of spiritual lunacy people regularly encounter in churches. Research from the Barna Institute shows that 40% of non-churchgoing Americans no longer attend church because of negative and hurtful church experiences.  Hypocrisy and judgmental attitudes were among the chief complaints.  Also mentioned is the idea that Christians seem particularly passionate about what they are against, instead of focusing on what they are for.

It becomes increasingly clear that “Restoring Faith” can’t simply mean to believe in God and/or go to church. I believe in God.  I attend church.  How then should I restore my faith?  There must be something more…

I’m left with one conclusion, I must restore the state of my faith. I must restore a faith that is spiritually healthy.  This is an ongoing work – a lifestyle commitment.  I can only be spiritually healthy to the extent that I allow God’s presence to daily influence my life.  When I experience God’s presence from within, then my faith is restored to one that honors God, self and others.

What exactly does it mean for America to restore her faith? I hope it mean that we begin to practice Spiritual Wellness.  Spiritual Wellness really does have nothing to do with politics, but it has everything to do with hearing God.

If it takes a TV talk show host to get the message across, so be it.  I just hope we’ll get it right.

What do you think it means to restore faith in America?

(Check back for the release of my new video, “Healing Religious Wounds.”  For updates, subscribe to my RSS feed.)

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I remember the first time I sought professional counseling. My knees shook as I walked into her little office.  I felt so vulnerable and exposed.  I had no idea what to expect of an entire hour with all the focus on me.  She opened by asking how I was doing.  I blurted out, “I’m scared.”

I was a graduate student studying therapy. I read books, discussed theories and practiced various therapeutic skills.  Still, I had not personally attended counseling.  One thing was clear… before helping others, I needed to find my own healing.  So, I asked my professor for a referral.  It was scary to focus on myself, but it was also one of the best decisions I’ve ever made.

Now, I recommend counseling to absolutely everyone. Do it sooner than later, and the next phases of your life will be more rewarding that you imagined. Once you decide to start counseling, you are met with a big task:  How to find and choose a counselor? Finding the right counselor is as imperative as finding the right doctor.  A good one makes all the difference in the world.

4 Steps to Finding a Good Counselor:

1. Ask your religious community for a list of counselors they recommend. (You may want to avoid asking family and friends for referrals.  If you do this, they may feel entitled to an update on how the counseling is going.)  Also, some religious communities provide financial scholarships to members who need professional care. Be sure to inquire if this is an option for you.  (more…)

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Can Spiritual Wellness improve your marriage? Spiritual Wellness is the result of your connection to God.  Merely believing in God will not improve your health, relationships and overall well-being.  Yet, engaging God dramatically improves your overall wellness.  We now know that this truth also applies to marriage.

You’ve probably heard the old adage “the couple who prays together, stays together.” This adage is not fairytale, but fact.“A 1998 survey by the Georgia Family Council found that among couples who prayed together weekly, only 7 percent had seriously considered divorce, compared to 65 percent of those who never prayed together.” –Focus on the Family

Prayer significantly increases marital stability and happiness. Interestingly, the same is not true of those who merely believe in God.  However, couples who regularly connect with God in prayer do improve their marriage.

Incorporating prayer into your marriage is a challenge. It’s difficult enough to know how to pray as individuals.  How then should we pray as a couple?

Spiritual Wellness Tips for Praying with Your Spouse:

1. Prayer Takes Teamwork: During prayer, each person should contribute by praying aloud.  Since prayer is intimate, this may feel awkward at first.  Like any intimacy we share with our spouse, it will feel more comfortable with time.
2. Commit to Prayer: Find a consistent time when you can pray together, such as before work or before bedtime. Don’t pray merely in response to difficulty.  Also pray when times are good.
3. Focus Your Prayers: Find a way to target your prayers toward your family goals.  I recommend starting with a spiritual passage that correlates with your prayer focus. To get started, try using 2 Corinthians 9:8, “And God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that in all things at all times, having all that you need, you will abound in every good work.”
4. Prayer Includes Listening: Prayer is not just talking, but listening.  Take time to listen to God.  He is speaking to you and your spouse about every aspect of your life.

Warning:  Don’t criticize or judge your spouse’s prayers.  There are no rules to prayer.  If there is a rule, it is only to engage your heart with God.

Why Does Prayer Improve Your Marriage? (more…)

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Forgiveness.  It’s supposed to help you move on. Yet, too often we find ourselves right back where we started.  We end up trying, yet again, to forgive the people who repeatedly hurt us. How do you forgive someone who hurts you over and over again? How do you stop an endless cycle of bitterness and resentment?

Sometimes we can stop the relationship altogether. It’s never wise to stay in a dangerous situation.  Still, most unforgiveness happens in those relationships we can’t change. What about your boss?  Your teenage children?  Your bed-ridden mother? You can hardly cut-off these relationships.

Lisa was only a teenager when she started learning to forgive her father. She was new to Spiritual Wellness, and the first God-centered person in her family.  Her dad raised her to be tolerant and open-minded.  In fact, he was supportive of her previous interest in tarot cards and Wicca.  She thought he would be equally supportive of her newfound faith.  Instead, he was furious.   He relentlessly teased her.  Each time, she welled up with anger.  She felt stuck in a cycle of unforgiveness.

Why couldn’t she forgive once and for all? She desperately wanted to walk in a constant state of forgiveness. Lisa found lasting forgiveness when started focusing on her Spiritual Wellness. Along her journey, God showed Lisa His love for her.  When she looked through God’s eyes, she saw herself as God’s daughter.  She felt valued and adored.

When Lisa received God’s love, it changed her feelings for her dad. She now saw him as someone who also needed God’s love.  The times when she felt bitter toward him became less frequent, then eventually vanished altogether. The more deeply she experienced God’s love, the more she maintained forgiveness.

Lasting forgiveness happens when we identify with God’s love. (more…)

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What do you find beautiful? Are there patterns to the things you find beautiful?

My spiritual director, Carol, offered me a challenge. The results of this challenge truly enriched my Spiritual Wellness. She challenged me to begin to identify the things that I find beautiful. But, it wasn’t enough to find beauty. The goal was to identify patterns in the things I find beautiful.

To help me understand the challenge, she shared her own thoughts on beauty. Carol loves quilts. Whenever she travels, she finds antique shops where she can spend hours perusing the intricacy of various handmade quilts. On one trip, she asked herself, “Why are quilts beautiful to me?” The answer helped her discover a deeper place in her heart.

Carol enjoys quilts because of the detail work in each individual stitch. She finds beauty in things that become more beautiful the closer you look. This made her think of people. Like quilts, people become more beautiful the closer you look. Now, Carol is intentional about forming deeper, more meaningful relationships with people. The closer she is to people, the more beauty she finds.

Inspired by Carol’s discovery, I asked myself, “What do I find beautiful?” (more…)

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Do you have trouble building intimacy in your relationships? Are wounds from previous relationships standing in the way? If so, you may need to release a soul tie.

God designed our souls to stick. We can stick to our spouse, our parents and children.  We can stick to God.  We can even stick to our life’s purpose.  A soul tie happens when we intimately connect with others. Whether near or far, we feel mentally and emotionally connected to them.  Our souls are tied together.

If we trust God to meet our physical and emotional needs, then we are able to form healthy soul ties. We can raise our children, and then launch them when they are grown.  We can date people, and then stick to our spouse for a lifetime.

When we depend on people, rather than God, then we will develop unhealthy soul ties. Unhealthy soul ties develop when we expect people to meet our deepest needs.  Only God is able to meet our needs.

An unhealthy soul tie is like masking tape. If you place masking tape on a sweater, it sticks.  If you remove the tape and place it elsewhere, it’s less sticky.  If this process continues, the tape loses all stickiness.

If we repeatedly form unhealthy bonds, it will eventually keep us from connecting in good and healthy ways. Unhealthy soul ties hinder our ability to build intimacy.

Consider a parent and child. This relationship requires a close bond. However, that bond is intended to change over time. If children don’t learn to receive nurture and guidance from God, they will continually seek to derive this from their parents. In turn, it will hurt their romantic relationships.  They are unable to stick to their spouse.

This also happens in dating. Many people date in order to feel validated and secure. To meet these needs, people engage in sexual promiscuity.  Sex is one of the greatest mechanisms we have for sticking together.  Sex is designed to help us stick together in marriage.  When we have sex outside of God’s intended purpose, it can negatively affect our future marriage.  We may have difficulty sticking to our spouse.

Are you able to create healthy soul ties? Do you trust in God to meet your physical and emotional needs?  Or, does depending on people leave you trapped in unhealthy soul ties?

If you need God to release an unhealthy soul tie, pray this prayer:

Jesus, please forgive me for depending on others before you. I was wrong. I place you first in my life. Please remove the unhealthy bond I’ve created with (insert name). Forgive me for (insert the unhealthy behaviors and thoughts). Please cleanse and restore my soul. Please bind my soul to you. Amen.

Have you ever experienced an unhealthy soul tie?  What did this experience teach you about Spiritual Wellness?

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Have you ever been told, “It’s not about you!” This saying runs wild through churches.  Well meaning people flippantly say, “It’s not about you,” when they want to reiterate that life is about serving God and others.  Unfortunately, this is often said with more dogged intensity.  This is confusing and painful when it comes from an authority figure.

For instance, I know of several hurting people who have poured their heart out to a pastor. The pastor responds with a chiding, “It’s not about you!” I can’t help but wonder if they truly believe what they’re saying.  Really? Is it really not about hurting people?  Why are you a pastor?

This type of pastor is likely unqualified to respond to a person’s pain. Some pastors respond to pain inappropriately.  They do this for one simple reason.  They are not counselors.  In these instances, “It’s not about you,” is a scapegoat.  It’s the perfect scapegoat because it’s partially true.

There is an elliptical nature to this truth. Spiritual Wellness is about you.  And, Spiritual Wellness is not about you. (more…)

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Have you ever felt stuck between a rock and a hard place while trying to follow good intentions? Have you ever had to choose between two good options?  How do you choose?  How do you know which is best?

God’s principles can feel this confusing. It feels like two opposing principles that seem to negate each other.  We’re left debating the real truth.   For instance, are we saved by God’s grace?  Or, are we saved by our faith in God?

My college professor, Dr. Henry Lederle, branded this, “The Elliptical Nature of Truth.” An ellipse is similar to a circle because it is a single continuous line. But where a circle has one focal point, an ellipse has two fixed points that are equal.   Truth often has two focal points that are of equal weight and importance.

Warning: Do not confuse this with a yin-yang. Yin-yang is the view that the opposing forces of good and evil are equal and mutually dependent.  Yin-yang is false.  It is a worldview that is completely inconsistent with Spiritual Wellness.  God is never dependent upon evil.  God is only good.

Spiritual Wellness embraces God’s truth like an ellipse. (more…)

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My spiritual mentor, Bob Hamp, recently released his first book, Think Differently Live Differently: Keys to a Life of Freedom. Religious leaders from China to Israel, from Argentina and around the globe seek Bob’s guidance and expertise in inner healing. I highly recommend his book to anyone seeking freedom in every aspect of life. Now you have the chance to win an autographed copy of his book! To participate, just read on.The following is an excerpt from the new book by Bob Hamp. To learn more, or to purchase this book, click here.

Solutions or Problems? by Bob Hamp

Our appetite for freedom motivates our momentary responses, but it also shapes a lifelong quest. It is so deep in us that it often pushes us before we even realize it. When this appetite drives us, the very actions we take to obtain freedom can actually push real freedom out of reach. It is like a child learning to use his hands for the first time. He reaches for his pacifier but, instead, pushes it off the high chair. It is a common experience for many that despite how fervently they pursue their dreams, the life they are reaching for moves further away, instead of closer. (more…)

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What can plants teach us about Spiritual Wellness? I posed this question my post A Plant Story. Recently, my husband and I repotted our three indoor plants.  The plants served as a metaphor for my life.

The last plant we repotted looked the healthiest with green, spritely leaves. Despite its appearance, it simply wasn’t growing. I dug around the plant, lightly loosening the soil from its grip. Then, I tugged slightly on the plant. It should have given me some resistance. Instead, it just popped right out of the soil.
The plant came loose of the pot instantly. The plant roots were in a tight rectangular shape. Its root system was ingrown and wrapping around itself.  The roots had not attached to the soil in the pot.  I slowly began to loosen the roots. I unwrapped, cut and detangled the roots before gently embedding them in fresh soil.  Just a few weeks later, the plant was thriving. (more…)