“It’s Not About You!” Really?
Posted on 15. Jun, 2010 by Angie Wyatt in Blog
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Have you ever been told, “It’s not about you!” This saying runs wild through churches. Well meaning people flippantly say, “It’s not about you,” when they want to reiterate that life is about serving God and others. Unfortunately, this is often said with more dogged intensity. This is confusing and painful when it comes from an authority figure.
For instance, I know of several hurting people who have poured their heart out to a pastor. The pastor responds with a chiding, “It’s not about you!” I can’t help but wonder if they truly believe what they’re saying. Really? Is it really not about hurting people? Why are you a pastor?
This type of pastor is likely unqualified to respond to a person’s pain. Some pastors respond to pain inappropriately. They do this for one simple reason. They are not counselors. In these instances, “It’s not about you,” is a scapegoat. It’s the perfect scapegoat because it’s partially true.
There is an elliptical nature to this truth. Spiritual Wellness is about you. And, Spiritual Wellness is not about you.
Jesus perfectly illustrates this principle when He commands us, “love your neighbor as yourself.” If we don’t know how to love ourselves, how can we love others? Or, what about our commission to tell others about God’s love? If we don’t personally know God’s love, how can we reveal His love to the world?
Life is about you. It’s just not all about you. It’s about knowing God’s love for yourself. It’s about experiencing God’s healing for yourself. It’s about hearing God for yourself, and reading your Bible for yourself. God gave us all of these gifts because he loves YOU. It really is about you.
If you’ve been hurt by a pastor who said, “It’s not about you,” allow me to apologize on their behalf. You matter. You are important. God loves you. Now, go surrender your life to Him with all you’ve got.
So, for heaven’s sake… when it comes to God, get selfish! Get all you can! The more you get, the more you can give. This is important to understand because … it’s not about you.
anonymous
13. Jul, 2010
You posted an insightful article, and it’s been awhile since I shared personal thoughts on your blogs…One of my associates did share, and was inspired by the insights and it’s thoughtful writings of your blogs.
On this specific one, my thoughts are:
That each ordained Paster and or Minister has their own set of standards of sensitive and or it’s private issues. Unless one is asked, or given opportunity to assist in those private issues, then it really is a private matter between the Paster, it’s specific person(s), it’s specific issues, God and or HIS ministries.
In God’s Kingdom we are all children of God regardless of which union of Christ centered faith that we are represented by; as long as it’s through Christ Salvation of the Cross. That’s God’s promise. Share the news!
To Practice what we preach…and that is one of the principals and or it’s oath as an ordained Paster and or Minister. An oath in His church.
In addition, by simply practicing what we preach in our daily lives as one of God’s children.
You would be amazed on how a lot of Christians are not helping when called upon…helping Thy neighbor, but, had time for everything else and for other people.
The rest of the of the ordained oath is a sacred undertaking. But, as children of God we are able to share the news, practicing our faith, and even helping Thy neighbor when called upon. And to be honoring HIS commandments… as set forth both in the old testament and New testament.
The greatest Commandment is to love our Father in Heaven with all Thy heart. In doing so, we as children of God, would be able to reach others simply by practicing what we preach. Salvation is the goal of witnessing. That much, we do know for sure. And that God does not go in circles, unless it’s a halo…lol
Perhaps, respect privacy…in the church and help when called upon…
A great article.
Keep up the great work Angie!
In Christ Love,
Al
Anonymous
13. Jul, 2010
Life is about me together with God. With God everything is possible. To be a bit selfish is necessary to not give up ourselfs. — God gave us a brain to think about our action and what we are doing. – Can we sin often and then coming towards God and it will be forgiven always?!!! No,is my answer. It’s to easy to not thinking about what we are doing or how much we can hurt others with our actions and then asking for forgiveness. If we feel guilty about what we did, is not wrong, it let us thinking about and we are doing it better next time. It do not mean we have to feel guilty for to long. When it opens our eyes, we have won already. — Angie said: If you’ve been hurt by a pastor who said, “It’s not about you,” allow me to apologize on their behalf.= Can we apologize in behalf of others? I do not think so. Do we know if the person him- herself want to ask for forgiveness, no! I would never accept an apologize in the name of another person. That means for me, we know exactely how this person thinks, can we that, no, even it’s a close person!!! – – By the way a pastor is not a better person as anyone else. He/she has just chosen this profession or it was his/her call. A pastor can tell you what to do in a certain situation how he/her is seeing it, sometimes in connection with the bible. Am I right? Only God is perfect and human beings never. Blessings, Rose
Angie Wyatt
13. Jul, 2010
Rose, thanks for your thoughts. I do respectfully disagree. I think you can apologize on behalf of others. Certainly, it’s not an apology that is meant to erase they’re motives or actions. It’s like the US of the modern era apologizing for Hiroshima or slavery. We didn’t personally commit the action, but we can apologize on behalf of those who did. We can do this because we stand in a similar position. Sometimes people need this sort of apology — it’s like it helps them heal. In therapy, we call this representational forgiveness. Because I’m a pastor, I stand in the place of any pastor who has hurt people. Then, I say, “I’m sorry that a pastor did this to you. It’s shouldn’t have been done. I’m sorry.”
Anonymous
13. Jul, 2010
I see what you mean Angie. – Blessings,Rose
Anonymous
13. Jul, 2010
Angie, I like your ending which is sort of the beginning as I think of it all. As you wrote…
“So, for heaven’s sake… when it comes to God, get selfish! Get all you can! The more you get, the more you can give. This is important to understand because … it’s not about you”
…Yes, Angie! Though I would like to start the circle or elipse with “Give all you can! The more you give, the more you will get to give and around it goes, onwards and upwards!”
It does seem the richer we are, be it in spirit or in financial wealth and the more we give of ourself or our Blessings, the more we receive back, in relationships or in other aspects of life.
Not to get too much back to your earlier posts about plants but the more we thin out the flowers and share them with other gardeners, the more the thinned out remaining plants can breathe, flourish and we have an even better display! We must give it all though the more we give, well the more you get. The more you hoard, the quicker it spoils or loses value.
It has been my experience, the same with positive outreach of our thoughts. The more positive we sound, the more good feedback and the better we feel thus we look feel and accomplish even more..
I remember an old song by Donovan that went “Happiness runs in a circular motion, happiess runs, happiness runs”. It is the same for all emotions and outreach…they go round and round and back and forth.
“And in THE END the Love you make is equal to the Love you make” (The Beatles)
Blessings
Jan-Michael
PS I may be not reflecting on mis-spoken Church relationships but your post drew the above out of my thoughts and may resonaate with readers.
Jan-Michael (J-M)
Anonymous
13. Jul, 2010
Just a small correction for the Beatles line at the end of my post with apologies to
John, Paul, George and Ringo..
“And in THE END the Love you take is equal to the Love you make”.
J-M
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