Honest Friendships
Posted on 26. Apr, 2010 by Angie Wyatt in Blog
Loading ...When sharing your innermost thoughts and feelings with friends, do they give you honest feedback? Do you offer honest reflection in return? Honest, loving friends help us progress in our Spiritual Wellness. We need their constructive thoughts and insight. Often, our friends see in us what we cannot see in ourselves.
I’ve heard it said that humans are the only creatures capable of lying to themselves, then believing the lie. One of my girlfriends shared her competitive attitude toward a man that she admired. He was successful, God-centered and an overall impressive person. I said, “Oh, so you have a crush on him?” She looked shocked, like this was breaking news. She thoughtfully glanced down, then shrugged and said, “Yeah, I guess I do have a crush on him.”
We can lie to ourselves about even the most obvious of emotions like infatuation. But, offering an honest friendship is typically more difficult than acknowledging a budding love. We might need to help our friends understand the consequences of their actions by confronting addictions or other poor choices.
Spiritual Wellness & Honest Friendships
Providing honest feedback to our friends does not mean that we expect for them to take our advice. Through Spiritual Wellness, we learn to trust God to lead and guide our friends toward Him. Manipulation or control will never help another person. Instead, we offer honesty to our friends, hoping that God will use us to speak His truth to their hearts. Honesty is a risk. We fear that our friends will feel hurt by our honesty. We also need courage to receive honest feedback.
With so much opportunity for offense, honest communication becomes a difficult skill. The following are tips for perfecting the honest feedback you offer others:
1. Commitment: Only give honest feedback to someone who is truly a close friend. You need to be committed to their growth and the integrity of the relationship. Not every person you know is deserving of your honest feedback. If you confront everyone you know, this will be perceived as arrogance.
2. Attitude: Never confront with a judgmental or angry attitude. Attitude is depicted in the tone of your voice. Be cautious to keep a calm and caring tone when giving a friend honest feedback.
3. Timing: You’ve heard the saying, “Timing is everything.” This saying is true.
If you delay the opportunity for honest communication, the damage may be done. It’s never helpful to tell someone, after the fact, that you saw the warning signs. This sounds condescending, rather than caring.
If you speak up too soon, you risk overlooking all the facts. This is offensive to people, leading them to think that you assumed the worst of them. People need to feel understood.
4. The Golden Rule! Permission: Before offering your honest opinion, ask permission. Sometimes friends are sharing because they simply want to process their thoughts and feelings. At these times, they don’t want any feedback.
I almost always ask my friends, “Do you want my feedback?” If I know the feedback is direct, I will add, “It may be difficult to hear.” If they say ‘yes,’ then they have prepared their hearts to receive my honest reflection.
How honest are your friendships? Has honest feedback been productive or destructive in your relationships? Share your thoughts with our readers.
10 Responses to “Honest Friendships”
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Rose
13. Jul, 2010
Honest and true friends are wonderful but seldom to find. Real friends should share everything with us and we with them. – I knew ones a lady she wanted my friendship. At the end I have had to find out she just needed someone to go on vacation with her. When she didn’t needed me anymore she begung to be dishonest with me and pushed me away. — I always give my feedback, if they do not want one they can tell it to me. Of course my attitueds are just a hint for others and my experiences too. The conversation always should be nice and calm, never shouting to others that only brings frustration and strive. – Blessings, Rose
Jan-Michael
13. Jul, 2010
Once Upon a Time… Jan-Michael (ME) had a friend pouring out to him, their frustration, disappointmrnt and anger with a situation.
Jan-Michael (ME) connected to the anguish and interrupted with his (MY) similar onetime problem and the solution! That was a Bad Idea!
I had been guilty of offering-up advice that was not really being sought after! The friend was really just talking out loud (mostly trying to find their own solution). And no, the person’s response was not too good.
I had wrongly jumped in, too anxious to try to calm their distress as I perceived it!
I then realized how I was no longer following that cardinal rule we learned as toddlers and as we taught our own children:
<<<<<<>>>>>>
Then and only then it is safe to proceed across the road or to speak. That simple wise lesson seems applicable to mostly everything!
Every situation has so many aspects and only some parts of our own experiences and solutions may apply.
I loved your points, Angie, which I have made to the anagram “CATNAP” to think and pause before I open my mouth :
C Commitment
A Attitude
T Timing
N Now
A Ask
P Permission
It is hard to hold one’s tongue when a friend is hurting and this anagram made from your words will help keep me more patient with my premature thoughts at times.
Blessings to all and those off to The Holy Land soon I think, do have a wonderful time!
Jan-Michael
Angie
13. Jul, 2010
J-M, You are so very clever! CATNAP! Ha! I love it! Thank you.
Cate
13. Jul, 2010
This was such a great read! I am always so committed to calm tone and timing and permission or being asked for the feedback. It’s not easy when your heart so desperately wants clarity for the other person. I am praying for some friendships like you talked about in my own life right now! So good
cysradill
13. Jul, 2010
Hi: Angie A true and honest friendship is one of the most valuable thing you can have. And in a life time most people will have maybe one or two. Friendship that is true and honest is something you have to work at like a marriage. You go through bad times and good times with them and value their opinion. They are someone you can laugh,cry and vent with and sometimes we have just sat quietly and not said a word.and your soul feels comfort just from their presence. Like when you pray and feel God is near. The Golden Rule and your attitude are very important. I find that so true and the tone of your voice. Sometimes they are saying things about someone but they do not always want you to agree . It is their loved one and they are venting as I call it. And if they say please do not tell anyone you do not tell their secret. You can talk to God and get his advice but thats all. You have given your word. And that is sacred.
God Bless Everyone Cysradill
Bob Hamp
13. Jul, 2010
Angie, I’d like to give you some honest feedback about this post. It was excellent. It is all the more excellent because, after living life with you for a few years, I know this post is true of you. You both offer and receive honest feedback and have always done so in love and honor. Thanks for sharing chica!
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