Grieving with God
Posted on 06. Apr, 2010 by Angie Wyatt in Blog
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Loading ...“Always look at what you have left. Never look at what you have lost.” – Robert H. Schuller
If I was to revise my grandfather’s famous quote on loss, I would say:
Focus on what you have left. Grieve what you have lost.
My grandfather is a King of Quotes. His memorable one-liners have truly motivated millions to achieve great things for God. I whole heartedly agree with so many of his quotes and the good they’ve done over the years. But there are a few quotes that I would delicately disagree with, the ones I have personally lived.
When we look at what we have left, without looking at what we have lost, we risk plunging ourselves into a future that is not grounded in reality. We risk living an unhealthy future, and losing our Spiritual Wellness.
As a child, Fran’s brother physically and sexually abused her. Tragically, her mother knew about the abuse and she did nothing stop it. As an adult, Fran had not grieved her childhood and was still carrying the emotional scars. Through Spiritual Wellness, I helped Fran grieve the loss of her sexual innocence. She asked God to show her His perspective on her pain. In doing so, she had to authentically reflect on her childhood trauma. This spiritual exercise helped her realize her mother was not her protector – God was her protector.
Having grieved this trauma, she was able recover from the pain and create healthy boundaries moving forward. In grieving what she lost, she was finally able move on in life and live spiritually well.
The key to grieving what we have lost is found in our relationship with God. He helps heal our hearts, learn from our loss and live with greater power.
How is God helping you grieve the loss in your life? Share your thoughts.
Candy Crain
13. Jul, 2010
Angie,
I respect your perspective, your insight is owesome. My highest hurdle that God took me through was becoming disabled with arthritis before I was 30. My faith in God brought an adopted son into my life and then I had another dhortly after, your dad baptized both boys. My oldest chose the path of drugs and alcohol and long ago I gave him over to God knowing that I had no control. He has disowned us as his family so I trust God to take him where he’s meant to be. In the meantime, my arthritis worsens, but I keep going with a phylosophy that a teacher taught my in high school. Act enthusiastic and you’ll be enthusiastic. I also knew of Norman Vincent Peale long before moving to CA and discovering Garden Grove Community Church. Your dad married us at the top of the tower, didn’t last but there were several good years. Enough for now. Thank you for your bolg. Candy Crain SJC
Rosemarie
13. Jul, 2010
Angie hi, grieving about loss. Yes, when we have lost a dear person or pet. But grieving about lost material belongings, make no sense. We must be happy for the things we still have. – Good losses are example. My father always acted like the boss to mum and me since I was a small child, his only child. I have had enough grieving about anymore. God told me to do something better. But this summer as he begung to argue and shouting at me because I have had another opinion about posting his house in the internet to sell that he and mum with their high age (mum 82, dad 84) can move in their rented appartment, I told him calm yourself and tell me in a nice way your arguments. Like that it can’t go. He stoped and from this time he begun to be good with me. I lost anger, hate and rage from both sides and gained, peace, kindness and understanding. That means my helth is not affected, in danger, because of a bad atmosphere. The opposite is the case. Great! God is blessing you. – Rosemarie
roseannesings
13. Jul, 2010
Angie,
It is imperative that a person goes through the entire grieving/loss cycle to get to the point of being truly able to heal. Grieving involves all the emotional aspects of the loss and when we can look at the reality of the loss, then we need to empty ourselves of all the pain and negativity and then we can move forward towards true healing. It has helped me in dealing with the loss of a very dear friend, to come to the realization, with God’s help, that I must empty myself of all the pain, the realization that I am not in control and truly “let go and let God.” We, as Christians, can use Christ’s death on the cross as an example and realize that we cannot truly receive the gift of love and joy if we continue to hold on to our hurts, pains and fears. But you are right, Angie. These aspects of grief/loss cannot be buried and must be addressed or we will be forever caught up in our pain and not look forward to the healing and joy of our salvation. I do agree, in this instance, that once a person has gone through the process, it then becomes necessary to look forward to the possibilities that we are given, rather than staying immersed in our hurts. Thank you for your thought provoking blog as it has been most helpful. Rosanne
Jan-Michael
13. Jul, 2010
Thank you Angie for your wise words. The following two phrases of yours, which I had learned the hard way, are so important when tragic or hard times are experienced!
1)“Focus on what you have left. Grieve what you have lost.”
2)”When we look at what we have left, without looking at what we have lost, we risk plunging ourselves into a future that is not grounded in reality. We risk living an unhealthy future.” YOU ARE SO RIGHT, Angie!
I know through our family experience of having lost a young child of 3 years that, regardless the circumstances of loss, whether it be as tragic as a child’s death or as hard as losing a job or a house, the past becomes part of the new present and part of the future. To “Always look at what you have left. Never look at what you have lost.” (Robert H. Schuller) will mask reality and one’s true feelings will be twisting and turning within your thoughts as your mind and spirit seeks to recognize and make sense of the loss. Many of your Grandfather’s quotations are good but this one always needed recognition that moving through grief is essential. I am glad you have found the right way to modify this saying to help us.
I believe God wants us to be kept safe but when an experience is harsh, He wants us to learn from the experience and to try to help others as well, as they deal with their hard experiences. God does not cause hardship but through the words of Jesus He taught us to accept all things with the knowledge that He is going to help us find peace in the end.
“Getting Through What You Are Going Through” (by Robert A. Schuller)is excellant and for me requires accepting the past while letting Him lead us through the valley and that includes letting friends and counsellors help.
Thank you again for this blog which will help many to deal with grief better.
God is blessing you and yours,
Jan-Michael (Toronto, Canada)
barbie
13. Jul, 2010
Dear Angie What an extremely helpful and interesting subject
you have written. Thank you so
much for posting it. God bless
you Barbie M, Brisbane Australia
AshworthFam
13. Jul, 2010
Wow, Angie! I am so intrigued to read your blog!! Thanks for sharing openly and vulnerably – it definitely speaks of your personal healing and your deep faith roots to do this. Consider me a fan!
…and a Gateway sistah! 
Alex
13. Jul, 2010
It’s really so true. Grieve for what you did not have so that you can move forward. This nugget really helped me. Grieving for me gave me the freedom to know God did care about my hurts, my misfortunes…He wasn’t the mean dad in the sky going “Oh, you had a bad time. Well get over it and move on.” He’s the loving father who calls us to sit on his lap and speak with him about it.
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