Church: To Leave or Not To Leave?
Posted on 27. Oct, 2010 by Angie Wyatt in Blog
Loading ...I received an email from a woman wounded by church leaders. She left the church and started attending a new church. Shortly thereafter, some of the hurtful church leaders also changed churches. They moved to her same, new church! Now she’s asking:
Should I stay in my present church, or should I leave? 
From church to school to jobs, we are surrounded by people who may hurt us. When we’re hurt, we all ponder: Should I stay or should I go? In the case of violence or bullying, the answer is clear. You should leave. However, in the subtle cases of manipulation and control, the answer is not so clear.
When we’re hurt, our human nature kicks in… “fight or flight?” To stay is to fight. To leave is to take flight. In each of our lives, there is a time to fight and a time to take flight. Our challenge is to discern God’s leading at a given time. This is the goal of Spiritual Wellness. We must learn to hear God.
To discern God’s leading, we must acknowledge the motives within our “fight or flight” reaction. “Fight or flight” is a question about our environment. What we’re really asking is: Am I safe here? Just asking the question about leaving means that, to some degree, we don’t feel safe. Just because we don’t feel safe, does not necessarily mean that’s the truth about our situation. The ultimate truth is that God is always with us, no matter our circumstances, no matter what. As we trust God with our journey, we learn to move beyond our “fight or flight” reaction.
Now that we trust God, we’re able to start asking different questions. When we’re in “fight or flight” mode, we’re essentially asking God: Should I do this or should I do that? This is a close-ended question. Trusting God requires that we ask open-ended questions. An open-ended dialogue with God will help you identify the more critical issues surrounding your hurtful experience. We must ask God the more difficult and risky questions, such as: What is God saying to me in the midst of this situation?
You might start a conversation like: “Jesus, I feel (insert your feeling), what do you want to say to me about (insert your feeling)?”
Remember, Jesus said, “the Kingdom of God is within you.” Your circumstances don’t determine your peace, joy and hope. First find your peace in God, and then make your “fight or flight” decision. If you choose to leave, leave because you’re following God’s leading. If you choose to stay, stay because you’re following God’s leading.
What is God saying to you while you read this blog? What questions have you been asking God? Are you asking open-ended questions? Share your thoughts with us.
To watch this week’s Spiritual Wellness video “Risky Decisions” click HERE.
[Click HERE to subscribe to future blogs via email, then click "ShareThis" to send this article to a friend.]
6 Responses to “Church: To Leave or Not To Leave?”
Leave a Reply
Video Categories
Recent Blogs
Angie on Facebook
Susan
27. Oct, 2010
What would you suggest in a situation where the teaching has strayed things that aren’t as Biblically based as they should be? For instance, I think a lot of pastors preach their own “ideas” and are more of self-help counselors then Biblical leaders. Would you suggest talking to the teachers and pointing out things? Or is it better to just leave?
Angie Wyatt
27. Oct, 2010
Susan: Wow, that is a great question & a real challenge for me to respond. First, I always recommend a church that holds to the tradition that “all scripture is inspired by God.” That being said, every pastor has a different preaching style… and, everyone has a different definition of “self-help.”
Still, I think your question is: Raise the concern or just leave? I always say raise the concern. You need to be in a church where you feel comfortable discussing your difference of opinion. 1)Owning your spiritual differences is how you take personal responsibility for your faith. Your church should honor this. 2)It’s these tough conversations that may, in the long run, be more spiritually beneficial than even a sermon. It’s faith community in action. Just be sure that you approach the conversation in true humility and with a teachable attitude. If you still decide to leave… no problem. But, allow God the opportunity to build something in you by first having those tough conversations.
God bless!
I’d love to hear what others have to offer to the question.
Paul
27. Oct, 2010
I enjoyed this blog question & response also! Sometimes I think we make it way too heavy if we leave a church & go somewhere else.Almost as if we are turning our back on the Lord or something, when we feel led to attend a different fellowship. Peoples own insecurities get stirred up & sometimes they lay a head trip on the person leaving & overspiritualize it or try to make them feel bad about it or under condemnation. Totally not necessary or Christlike. Since we ARE the church, how do we LEAVE the Church anyway?
A Map of October | Spiritual Wellness
31. Oct, 2010
[...] by church, now is the time to trust in God. Don’t miss our 3-part series: Safe in Church, Church: To Leave or Not to Leave & Risky [...]
PurdyThings
04. Aug, 2011
Just curious as to what you would tell a young girl who is being bullied in school, because she isn’t in the same economic standing as the others??
3077974468
20. Feb, 2012
I been in my church 20 yrs in my20yrs people only fellowship with who they want I was vaulenteering for homeless shelter but the people I worked with are with the church they would not enclude me in anything one brother put me out I was not of there group the Lord gave me jerimiah 30:17 I just don’t. Fit in there group