Chaos Reeks of God by Janet Hagberg (Guest Post)

Posted on 13. Oct, 2010 by Angie Wyatt in Blog

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Janet Hagberg is an author, mentor and healer. She co-authored my favorite fictional book, The Critical Journey. To know why it’s my favorite book, click here. You can win an autographed copy of The Critical Journey by leaving a comment on today’s guest post. Janet’s favorite comment will be announced Saturday, October 16^th. To purchase a copy of The Critical Journey, click here.

Chaos Reeks of God, An essay by Janet Hagberg.

Spiritual direction has transformed my life. I have experienced it as a gifted relationship with another person in which we listen to God and discern God’s wisdom in the events of my life. My spiritual director is trained to understand the working of the Spirit in my life and she knows how and when to remain silent, when to ask provocative questions or to tell stories.

After I had been in spiritual direction for a few years I began to notice that my director was neither impressed nor stressed by the tumult of my life, not even the big stuff. She brought a calm presence to our time together whatever the topic. I wondered how that worked and what was happening inside of her to elicit that response.

Now that I have been a spiritual director for a long time, I can understand more what was happening in the inner life of my director. She was counting on God to be there with both of us and to be a major mover for growth and transformation, which happens most in times of tumult and chaos. She knew that at those times, when I thought I was losing my life, I was actually the closest to finding it. She wasn’t afraid, so I felt I didn’t have to be so afraid either.

As a director, I get to hear a lot of stories and be part of major events in people’s lives, both joyful and traumatic. Over the years I’ve noticed that when someone begins describing a crisis or a difficult dilemma my feeling inside is a faint sense of humor, kind of a divine humor. My directees report that I even break into a little smile, just a hint of a smile, and it may seem to be inconsistent with the words they are saying to me. I really can’t help myself in these situations so I let them in on the truth I am experiencing; their situation “reeks” of God, as my spiritual director used to say.

I do not mean to imply that God punishes us with bad experiences nor that I think people’s pain is funny. But the doors of our inner psyches do not open wide enough to allow for major change very many times in our lives. So when vulnerability or chaos knocks on that door I try to encourage people to let the door swing open and trust that God is present. Once we are in a loving relationship with God, all things, even painful things are accompanied by a deep understanding that God is already transforming us and using the experience for good. It may not be clear in the moment, though, and that is why a larger perspective can be so helpful in framing the meaning of the experience. These transformations that accompany pain can help us change our direction, deepen our journey, renew our love, release things, forgive things, humble us if we need humbling, or give us back our voices if we have lost them. So chaos reeks of God for those whose lives are becoming attuned to God.

As we gain this perspective, that God works most intimately in times of illness, disappointment, and crises, it can soften our pain or change our expectations of the outcome. I have found that if I can release the whole situation to God and let God work through the situation with me, then the changes that emerge as a result are usually transforming for me in the long run. I used to try to ward off change, pain or difficult decisions. I am still not eager for these things. But when I look back at my life and see the most majestic work of God in my life, it seems that the times that looked frightening, negative or unfruitful were the times of deepest transformation. Career change, divorce, unexpected surgery, loss of friendships, financial crises, addiction, loss of faith. Sometimes I can only see how profound these changes were in retrospect. Then I can see that God was at work the whole time. The more intimate my experience of God the more I trust that my whole life is in God’s hands anyway and I can enjoy the adventure.

Many poets, saints and mystics have written about the invitation from God to see all things as gifts and all of life as reeking of God. We experience it when we can laugh at our own foibles, when the hidden becomes clear, when all we hoped for turns upside down, when our enemies become our greatest teachers. Here is a poem from the 16^th century mystic, Teresa of Avila, about a new way of being with God, transforming burdens into joy.

Laughter Came from Every Brick

Just these two words He spoke

changed my life,

“enjoy me”

What a burden I thought I was to carry—

a crucifix, as did He.

Love once said to me, “I know a song,

Would you like to hear it?”

And laughter came from every brick in the street

and every pore

in the sky

After a night of prayer, He

changed my life when

He sang,

“enjoy me.”

(From Love Letters to God p. 276)

So may each of us consider the possibility, when things are all askew or even when it feels like everything is caving in on us, that this too, reeks of God; that we are on holy ground and that is why the earth is quaking beneath us.

Have you ever known a person you could talk to in depth about things that were going on in your life and he/she listened carefully to all you had to say? What affect did that have on you?

You can win an autographed copy of The Critical Journey by leaving a comment on today’s guest post. Janet’s favorite comment will be announced Saturday, October 16^th. The winner will be asked to provide shipping information via a confidential contact form.

hearing God, Janet Hagberg, spiritual direction, Spiritual Wellness

15 Responses to “Chaos Reeks of God by Janet Hagberg (Guest Post)”

Al

13. Oct, 2010

Janet,

Thank you for a great article…would love to win a signed copy of your book.

I thought you answered a lot gray areas that people struggle with in their lives. And was only wondering on your personal inspired path. Moreover, as we know, it rains on the just and unjust. My question: What is the one thing that inspires you through-out those storms…or to what bible verse inspires you the most seeking His wisdom and guidance?

And in some humor…What is the coldest temperature that you had to deal deal with in Minnesota…lol

In any event, wanted to thank you and Angie for sharing your book, blog & insights. Additionally, regardless on the question/contest outcome, I will order a copy of your book. Maybe, I can ask both you and Angie for an inscribed favorite bible verse with it…that would be great?

Thank you & Much appreciation!

-Al
Anna

14. Oct, 2010

I love this: “So chaos reeks of God for those whose lives are becoming attuned to God.”

My life was chaotic from my birth into a violent, polygamist cult led by my father, Ervil LeBaron. I escaped at age 13 and landed in a legalistic, cult-like church-school.

More “chaos” as I learned the hard way about God.
Then I chose a private Christian college with cult-like tendencies, and endured more chaos.

Finally, I ended up in Okinawa, Japan where a missionary couple (to the military men – I was a military wife) told me that I was loved and accepted by God and nothing could seperate me from Him, and I learned for the first time about the “joy of my salvation”.

Then we ended up in Amarillo, where for FIVE years I went to a counselor that patiently and quietly listened (perhaps with a touch of divine humor, since she wrote her thesis on cults) as I poured out my heart to her and “peeled back the layers of the onion” of my life. At the end of those five years, I grieved, finally, about growing up without a “real dad”. That’s when My Heavenly Father’s Love for me became real and personal.

My life has never been the same since.

~ Anna
Jab-Michael

14. Oct, 2010

Janet,

The poem “Laughter Came from Every Brick” led me to my often thought belief that :

‘A thirsty blade of grass is sometimes watered by our tears’ . I never finished that thought but now I shall try, Janet. So, here I will begin:

“From the fragile nature of my understanding,
A well-spring of tears rose up in me that day;

I am 98% water or so I learned in school,
Now I felt myself sadly, just washing away;

98% of me a torrent now spilled down my cheeks,
As I stood in HIS garden confused and afraid;

But a blade of grass soaked up all of my tears,
It grew strong and fragrant with a heavenly scent;

And one day I know I saw,
A butterfly there;

That blade of grass thriving, alive with my tears.”

Certainly Janet, the harshest times of loss seem to clear our thoughts of the trivial and replace them with His Love. We know after a storm a rainbow can emerge and the busyness of life can sometimes mask all the Blessings. From the darkest times the dawn will still come and with it, the birds and the butterflies and Peace for our sprit. Surely ALL things are HIS Blessing!

HE is Blessing all, always
Jan-Michael
tina marie olson

14. Oct, 2010

Janet,

Thank you for the article. I truly enjoyed reading it.

Once of the things that stuck to me in this was the line in the poem:

What a burden I thought I was to carry—a crucifix, as did He.

I have been holding onto some very deep self-inflicted wounds which I totally brought on myself. I was carrying a burden that did not belong to me much like Jesus did on the cross. He was beaten and hung for me so that I should not need to carry around these self-inflicted wounds.

God brought a spiritual director into my life who was able to listen and ask me some very tough questions. I am blessed to now be free of the emotional cuts I was making on myself.

I was blessed by your writing, and I love the part where it says, “enjoy me.” I am so thankful that I can now enjoy Him and His presence more and more every day.

Blessings,
Tina Marie
Janet hagberg

14. Oct, 2010

Hi All,
First I want to say that your posts in response to my essay are very moving for me. I know that we all face deep fears and sometimes devastating experiences yet it all brings us to a deeper relationship within ourselves and with God if we can process it with a trusted person, counselor, a therapist, a wise pastor. I now use the phrase “joy emerges from pain well attended” whenever I feel like another big issue might bowl me over.

Anna’s story is so poignant. The betrayal of family members is difficult because we are supposed to be able to trust them. And Jan Michal’s poem is so beautiful. Such stirring images. You all bless me with your responses.

To answer Al’s question, what inspires me in times of chaos is to remember two things; one is that God is there with me in the middle of it all. The second truth is that God has been there with me before and he is trustworthy so I know that this time will be no different. I use the Hebrew word Dayanu, meaning “it would have been enough.” It would have been enough if God had healed me from my abusive marriage, but there is more. God took that experience and made me a healer as a result. Dayanu. It would have been enough if I had been made a healer. Now God is showing me how my simple essays can be healing for others. Dayanu.

In answer to your question about cold in Minnesota. I love the cold. Winter is my favorite season because it is so beautiful here. I am in a walking group that walks all year at 7:00 AM unless it is too hot, like over 90 degrees or if the wind chill is -15 degrees. The coldest I have experienced was skiing in Norther Michigan and it was -35 degrees. But if you dress for it, you survive!

Thanks again for your responses.

Janet
Al

14. Oct, 2010

Janet,

Thanks for getting back and love your definition word Dayanu.

As others refer to poems and with other insights in the “Chaos reeks of God…” I always try to remember to have faith in good times and in bad. There are no promises in life, We are to trust in Him…walking in faith. It is difficult at times of horrific circumstances, however, by putting things back together with and through Him. He gave us eternal life through Christ. Sometimes, people miss the obvious…in bad times and then we blame God.

To share more, I have a few favorite bible verses…One of which, Psalm 23 “The Lord is my Shepard…”

Thanks for getting back, and being a fellow Minnesotan myself, we might take issue with your cold Temps……lol–As I know it has been at least -20 with out the windchill here…lol

Love your article…and thanks for sharing!
-Al
Christa Barclay

15. Oct, 2010

I love this article!

A couple years ago, I quit my consulting career to begin what I had anticipated to be a great transition into “my calling.” I had aspirations of starting my own business and entering a time of increased ministry. However, neither of these happened.

Looking back I can see the hand of God bringing me into a season of great refining, of brokenness. If the season had an invitation, it would have read: “You’re invited to come walk with Me into a place where My voice will be supreme. I will speak to you who I AM is and who you are. We will journey together to the “Acres of Hope.”

In the wisdom of God, He did not disclose how this journey would look, the timing, or process. Would I trust Him and believe He is good toward me? I believe it is upon this test of trust that this journey to Hope has been sustained. I trusted Him and believed He is good toward me (even when it was unperceivable). I continually coached myself: I must know He has prepared me for this journey, and so I must trust and go on.

This invitation was the heart of God wooing me into a place I could not have perceived being as desolate as it was. Many times I thought surely this desert could not be the place He had intended, and so I would paint vain imaginations in my mind of luxury and grandeur. Only to be left with disappointment. Why did I do this? Why did I consistently labor after “success” and “wealth” when I knew these were not my source of significance or security? And yet, the ugly truth, they were. They were like two horns that had to be ripped from my head (they were horns of self-protection). I did not receive, nor could I, that the Lord was the horn of my salvation. I did not know how to get out of the mess I was in. I was spiritually and emotionally numb. I did not have the capacity to engage with anyone except a few (and they were the ones ministering to me). I had never felt so weak, so dumb.

And yet in this shut-down state, I still labored. I still toiled to make things “work.” Though I tried to rest and “reconnect” with God, I felt guilty (like a major failure) and would create busy work to satisfy my conscience. But God. He provided. He shared. He cleansed. I began to become more and more aware of His abiding presence, and began to understand that I was safe with Him. My walls of self-protection began to crumble. I had peace in the storm.

With savings gone and any remnant of self-importance / self-reliance gone as well, I returned to face the winds of adversity that blew against me with a new confidence, a new hope. For the first time in my life, I began walking with a conscious awareness that He is my strength – it is this One who has sustained, Who has washed me, and has given me Himself as Husband Redeemer.

This is the story of Hosea.

Never before would I have likened myself to Gomer, the prostitute Hosea was requested to marry as a sign to God’s people of His covenant love. However, I began to see how un-faithful I was. I did not find my complete identity and security in Him. I trusted myself and felt the weight of making things work out for my good. I prostituted my hope – I did not have it in Him but in unsanctified aspirations. I prostituted my talents – I contrived my own means and did not wait upon the Lord. I prostituted much of who I was and became sick in spirit. But through this journey, the old is gone and the new has come.

The following is a poem I wrote to remember this journey through brokenness to hope. The silence and hardship of the journey caused my heart to be offended at first. However, the Lord proved Himself faithful again and again; and my hard heart gave way. It is based upon the Hosea 2 passage.

Reflections of Hosea

Speaking words of tenderness,
He comes to allure me
To a remote place
Where His voice is supreme.

He sees my frame, its frailty,
And knows I cannot perceive
His earnestness
Until removed from familiarity.

So He woos
His kindness overwhelms
And I respond
I follow where He leads.

Having never experienced
Such piercing of the heart
As when I think upon Him,
I ponder His character.

Why am I drawn to this Man?
He perceives my wonderings
And demonstrates His faithfulness
And trustworthiness time and again.

Perplexed by consistency,
I challenge my assumptions
And begin to defend
Him from myself.

His character is trustworthy
And my indictment of hypocrite
Cannot be sustained
By precedent or fact.

My heart engages
And opens to receive life.
I accept Him for who He says He is:
Husband Redeemer.

The days of youth come back
And with them, the songs I sang.
Simplicity of heart returns.
Wholeness comes.

This is the tender patience
Of my Lord who walks
With me through the valley
Into Acres of Hope.
Kelsey

15. Oct, 2010

“She knew that at those times, when I thought I was losing my life, I was actually the closest to finding it.”

your article really moved me. it was definitely full of things i needed to be reminded of. the words above, however, resonated in me and have been echoing in my mind since i read them.

i would love to leave a really positive comment about how i’d been through a trial and had experienced God in the chaos…and i have. i have been through many trials and God has seen me through each one with mercy and grace. He has taught me so many valuable lessons through all the storms. The fact is though, I’m in the middle of that chaos right now. I’m in the storm, the earth is quaking, and it is sometimes hard to remember that no matter what, the sun will rise in the morning. I think that is why I am so thankful for your words. They come in excellent timing. And that phrase brings me so much hope…”when I thought I was losing my life, I was actually the closest to finding it.” I’m slowly remembering that when it feels like everything is lost and my world is caving in around me, it really is a good thing. The more MY world caves in, the more HIS world takes over and that is where the lessons are learned. That is where life is found. When i let go of the hold i think i have on everything and reach out for Him instead…that is where peace lives.

Anyway, I have no idea if that comment made any sense to you, but I just want to thank you for being a lighthouse to me. I needed the reminder that everything really will work together for His good and that we only see the smallest fracture of His grand picture. Thank you.

-Kelsey
MaryAnn

15. Oct, 2010

I enjoyed the articles. In my time of troubles and Chaos, I always refresh into the Holy scriptures. The book of Psalm’s is one of my favorites to refresh and remind myself that He will always listen and and maybe even guide through the Holy spirit. But, we are suppose to use our knowledge, common sense and brain power…

I love the article, but in researching spiritual guides(human) I found it interesting that many wont reference back to the bible. That is what is missing for clarity, assurances or re-assurances and to heal deep wounds. Just part of my viewpoints…
Janet hagberg

16. Oct, 2010

Hi All,
I want to thank you again for the depths of your posts to my essay. I appreciate how vulnerable you have been and how honest too. It is hard to talk about the chaos because there is shame attached to it for so many of us. Why would we have such chaos if we were so close to God??? But when you get closer to God you realize that chaos just is and bringing God into it, instead of avoiding it, is what actually brings us close to God.

Al, I forgot to mention that scripture is my life blood. I lean on promised and challenges from scripture to guide my life. I also use scripture in prayer using lectio divina and also just holding a few words or a phrase for months. At a particularly difficult time in my life, I was lead to the dry bones chapter of Ezekiel and spent about 8 years mulling over and taking in this verse, “I have put my spirit within you and you will live. And I will place you in your own land. Then you will know that I, the Lord, have spoken and I have done it,” says the Lord.

I loved that Christa mentioned the Hosea passage because that is one that I am currently embracing. I have some long standing male wounds that I am attending to and God is inviting me to the wilderness to be healed. I use The Message when I want to find a more accessible version (although I still love the NRSV and others for their poetic language). In the Message, Peterson uses this translation of Hosea 2: “I’m going to start all over again. I’m taking her back out into the wilderness where we had our first date, and I’ll court her. I’ve give her bouquets of roses, I’ll turn Heartbreak Valley into Acres of Hope…Think of it! Safe from beasts and bullies! And then I’ll marry you for good–forever. I’m marry you true and proper, in love and tenderness. Yes, I’ll marry you and neither leave you nor let you go. You’ll know me, God, for who I really am.”

Thanks again for your sincere and heartfelt posts.

Janet
Janet hagberg

16. Oct, 2010

Dear Readers,
Thank you all for responding. It was hard for me to choose a best blogger because everyone has something unique to offer. But I’m going to choose Christa for these reasons; she was honest and vulnerable, she wrote a poem that was amazing and she just happened to be focusing on the same Hosea text I’ve been reading. Toooo much of a coincidence. It seemed like a God-thing to me.

SO I need your name and address Christa, and any personal inscription you’d like. I”m also sending along a Spiritual Life Inventory. And thanks for responding.

Hope to be in touch with you all again sometime. If this wasn’t a total fiasco I may be asked to be a guest again!

Janet Hagberg
Christa Barclay

16. Oct, 2010

Wow! What an honor! I told Angie that I’ve never won anything so cool… she will email you my address.

A saying Angie says often, at least to me, is “Trust your journey!” As a tribute to her, that would be a wonderful inscription And thank you for sending along the Spiritual Life Inventory, too.

Thanks again, Janet, for your essay; it was inspirational.

And since you’re stuck in the Hosea passage as I’ve been this past year, here are a couple more poems I’ve written in reflection of the journey through the wilderness to the Acres of Hope as described in Hosea 2.

http://grainofmustardseed.wordpress.com/2009/09/24/as-in-hosea/

http://grainofmustardseed.wordpress.com/2009/08/05/the-journey/

Thank you again!
Christa
Jan-Michael

17. Oct, 2010

["Hope to be in touch with you all again sometime. If this wasn’t a total fiasco I may be asked to be a guest again!"
Janet Hagberg]

Janet

Thank you for joining us and sharing some important aspects of your journey while ‘hearing’ some of ours!

You can be assured this was not a “fiasco” but an enriching exerience for us. I hope you join us again sometime that you feel is right.

Christa,

I love your choice of “Trust your journey!” inscription for Janet to write in the book you have won. Congratulations!

Thank you for sharing your story and insight too!

He is Blessing all, always

Jan-Michael
Angie Wyatt

17. Oct, 2010

Janet, It is an honor to have your guest post this week! Thank you for offering us such a beautiful article. You have inspired the most thoughtful comments. It’s clear that we all drew closer to God’s heart this week as a result.

Everyone, it has been a joy to read your stories and poems. I’m so touched by your authenticity and the ways you creatively express yourself. As my grandfather would say, “Wow!”

Congratulations to Christa! I know you will love The Critical Journey. You’re at a perfect time of life for this book. I think Janet is correct, it seems like a “God-thing.”

I hope you will all have an opportunity to read Janet’s book. Again, it’s my favorite! If you want a copy of the book, and IF you’ve left a comment here, BUT you cannot afford to make the purchase, please leave me a personal note on the “Contact” page.

God Bless! Enjoy your Sabbath & we’ll meet again next week!

Angie
Al

17. Oct, 2010

Angie & Janet,

Thank you for a great blog. Congratulations Christa…and loved your posted videos as well…

Thank you Janet & Angie…love to see more inspired guest blogs…and perhaps, by discussing more scriptures references.

Thank you!