Spiritual Wellness

In my column “Ask Angie” I received this question from Anonymous:

All my life I have attracted very needy men. I married the first man who said he loved me. I have had multiple unsuccessful marriages, and my present marriage is going nowhere.  I need to know what is happening with me. I have tried counseling, and I am usually told I am the problem.  If that’s the case, what am I to do? I want to have a relationship with the Lord, but I have issues with trusting. Can you help?

Dear Multiple Marriages,

It’s true. Your history with needy men and multiple failed marriages definitely signals a problem.  And, your counselor was certainly correct in challenging you to look within yourself.  After all, you did marry the first man who said he loved you.  It sounds like you are longing for a very deep and soulful love.

There’s a story in the Bible that mirrors your present situation.  In the story, Jesus strays from social protocol and strikes up a conversation with a woman who is drawing water from a well:

Jesus said to her, “Please give me a drink” . . . She said to Jesus, “You are a Jew, and I am a Samaritan woman. Why are you asking me for a drink?” . . .  Jesus replied, “Anyone who drinks this water will soon become thirsty again. But those who drink the water I give will never be thirsty again” . . .  “Please, sir,” the woman said, “give me this water! Then I’ll never be thirsty again, and I won’t have to come here to get water.”

“Go and get your husband,” Jesus told her.  “I don’t have a husband,” the woman replied.  Jesus said, “You’re right! You don’t have a husband—for you have had five husbands, and you aren’t even married to the man you’re living with now. You certainly spoke the truth!”

“Sir,” the woman said, “you must be a prophet” . . . Jesus replied, “the time is coming when true worshipers will worship the Father in spirit and in truth.”   The woman said, “I know the Messiah is coming—the one who is called Christ. When he comes, he will explain everything to us.”

Then Jesus told her, “I Am the Messiah!”

In this story, Jesus reaches out to a woman who has had multiple failed relationships. She keeps going from one guy to the next.  We don’t know why.  Were the men needy?  Perhaps.  Were they cheaters?  Maybe.  All we know is that she’s had five marriages and a live-in boyfriend.  Regardless of what was wrong with the men, we know for certain that the woman had a need.  She was thirsty for love.  She longed to be desired.  Out of six men, not one single man could satisfy her longing.  She only found lasting love when she met the seventh man.  Jesus.  He gave her living water (which signifies Himself) and it satisfied her longing.

You wrote, “I am usually told I’m the problem.  If that’s the case, what am I to do?”  You may have a problem, but that doesn’t mean that you ARE the problem. We all long for eternal love.  We were designed with a deep need for God.  If that need is unmet, then it suggests that at some point, you probably stopped believing that God really loves you.  He does love you.  You don’t have to do anything.  You just have to believe.

Ask God to show you how He loves you.  Ask God to give you a deep spiritual awareness of His love.  Knowing that God loves us is the first step to creating lasting relationships.  When we know that we’re loved, then we have higher standards for our romantic relationships.  We don’t need to settle because we’re okay on our own.  We feel loved regardless of whether there is a man in our lives.

If you struggle with knowing God loves you, you should talk to Him about it.  Ask Him good questions like: When did I first believe that You didn’t love me?  What do You want to say to me about that time?  What is the truth about that belief? Trust me, if there’s one thing God likes to talk about the most . . . it’s His love for you.

Then, if you’re still having problems in your relationships, go back to a counselor.  Stick with it for at least six months, and tell your counselor that you want to know how to let God love you.  When the time comes for your next romantic relationship, use my Spiritual Wellness tips for finding “The One.”

With Prayerful Consideration,

Angie

Readers, how has God’s love affected your relationships?

ask Angie, counselor, love, marriage, romance