Spiritual Wellness

“Marry My Friend?” Asks Angie:

Do you think God asks us to consider someone as a marriage partner for whom we have no feelings? My family teases me about marrying a childhood friend, but I feel that my mom is serious. Since there is no one else in my life, I wonder if God wants me to consider this person because he would be a good spouse even though I feel no connection with him.

Signed, Marry My Friend?

Angie Answers:

Dear Marry My Friend,

So many women have been in your shoes, myself included.  We want to be married, have no prospects, and so every eligible bachelor becomes a possibility.  I urge you, above all, to follow your heart.

I wish I could tell you what decision to make, but the truth is that everyone’s situation is different.  My mom used to tease me about marrying my best guy friend, a guy she absolutely adored.  However, I knew he wasn’t the guy for me.  In contrast, my best girlfriend married her childhood neighbor.  You never know where your heart will lead you.  You can only take it day by day.  But, don’t put any pressure on yourself.  And, don’t force anything.

This season of your life is not about whether to date this guy.  Really, its about discernment and boundaries.  With the right boundaries, you can more easily discern what God is saying to you.

When my family was bugging me about my guy pal, I finally had to establish a boundary.  I drew a line in the sand.  I told them that I didn’t want them talking to me about ‘the one’ because it put too much pressure on me.  As I held my ground, they slowly began to respect my wishes.  Setting boundaries accomplished two super important things for my spiritual maturity:

1. It helped me establish autonomy and independence from my family.  I grew up.
2. I learned to discern God’s voice on my own.  Then, when the right guy came along, I was confident in my decision.

Is this the guy for you?  Probably not . . . for now.  If it’s meant to be in the future, then be open to hearing God at that time.  Discerning the person God wants you to marry is both an emotional and mental journey.  God prepares your heart for the person you’re destined to marry, not your parents or friends.

It’s tough being single, watching all the other brides make their match.  But, hold tight.  In the right time, the right guy will come along.  Make sure that you do the hard work now of learning to discern God’s voice.  Then, you’ll know that you’re following your true heart’s purpose.

(Readers, I welcome you to share in this prayer for all women struggling with a similar concern.)

Prayer:  Lord, please grant this woman the strength to accept her true desires, those desires that come from You.  Help her to be discerning in her romantic relationships.  Build her up in Your holy love.  Amen