Ask Angie: In Love with a Married Man?
Posted on 15. Jun, 2011 by Angie Wyatt in Ask Angie, Blog
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Dear Angie,
For twenty years, I’ve been a single mom with no interest in romance. Suddenly, I’m starting to feel passion again. I think I’m falling in love with a married man. We’ve become friends at work, but I can’t talk to him about how I feel. I would be devastated if he rejected me. Plus, I can’t be someone who ruins a marriage.
I’ve prayed for my divine mate. And, I’ve told God how I feel about this man. Still, my head and my heart are all mixed up and I can’t think straight. I’d love a relationship with this man, but I want it to be right.
Is he my divine mate, or is he the wrong man at the wrong time?
Sincerely, My Man is Married
*****
Dear My Man is Married,
It’s so exciting when we feel that we’ve found love after years of waiting. The thrill of romance makes us come alive. Unfortunately, that’s not what you’re experiencing. This isn’t love. This faux romance is only a test.
You want a divine love, or a love authored by God. Yet, you’re afraid of this man’s rejection and feeling guilty about his marriage. It’s causing a disconnect between your head and heart.
God doesn’t author confusion. Confusion is the result of a clash between our spiritual self & our natural self. Our natural self has one desire, and our spiritual self has another. This is why you must tune in to God. He can help you distinguish the difference. To eliminate the confusion, you will have to make a choice. Be willing to sacrifice what your natural self wants.
I can whole-heartedly assure you that he is the wrong man. A married man is spiritually sealed to another woman. He can never offer you all that you need and deserve. I promise you, this can only end in disaster and heartache. Why? Because it’s a test.
One thing is certain, in order for you to find your true divine love, you’ll need to pass this test. It’s time to end this “friendship.” Don’t give him a second thought. Moving on will open emotional space in your heart. Only then will the right man come into the picture. Look for men who can fully offer themselves to you with no strings attached.
Here’s the good news . . . After years alone, you’re ready for romance again. While sitting on the sidelines in love, you may have become a little foggy on some of the rules. Now that you are remembering the rules of love, enjoy the process. Enjoy feeling passionate and sensual. Just channel that emotional energy in the right direction. Start asking God what He wants to say to you about finding Mr. Right.
The Bible tells us “above all, guard your heart, for out of it flows the well-spring of life.” If you will guard your heart, even when it seems contrary to do so, you will reap the rewards of Spiritual Wellness.
Let me pray for you: Lord, please awaken Your passion within this woman. Help her to guard her passionate heart and to follow You in ways that make You happy. Please guide her to the relationship that fulfills Your dream for her life.
Remember, above all, guard your heart.
-Angie
Readers, what are your prayers and encouragement for the millions of women who are confused in love?
6 Responses to “Ask Angie: In Love with a Married Man?”
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Swiss Rose
16. Jun, 2011
If we enter in a partnership with a married man or are in love with one, it’s our own fault and we can’t blame somebody else. We all should keep our fingers away from married men. We can pray and ask for guidance that we have strength to walk away from this man. – Blessings, Rose
Al
17. Jun, 2011
Angie,
Loved your article…and even though your article is meant more for women, I was thinking about the same thing as a guy. It starts by flirting. For guys its mostly about lust fullness.
Usually, for both men and women there is something missing in their lives or the lack thereof that may contribute to the problems. And, that some simply enjoy the flirtations to conquer. Lust-fullness…It really is a danger zone…
Here is a question for the girls: If as a man I am trying to be living a moral compass and or christian why would the man that the girl is in love with, allow the love affair to continue? Morals??? To the guy it might just be lust fullness.
Both might be in danger of moral corruption, and even if the affair turned into marriage would it be trust-worthy for girl or guy that could very possible allow it to happen again at some point with others? Morals-
robin speakman
21. Jun, 2011
Great answer to such a dubious question. It is sad that as Christians our lives, souls and heart line up closer with the world, than with God. And as a result we have difficulty deciphering between what IS right and what might seem right. As we spend more time with God we become more like Him, ‘know’ Him and have His same fulfilling heart of Love.
William Rose
16. Jul, 2011
Angie, I’d like to respond to your answer to “My man is married”s letter. As a “married man” in a similar situation I can identify with this woman. I understand and can appreciate everything you wrote however your answer could only be based on what information was in her question and although every situation may differ, many are alot alike. I’d like to share my situation and hope you can see the sincerity, purity, and truth thats in my heart and soul.
Last year (early February) I met a woman on a social networking site. Neither one of us was there looking for anything or anyone but just exploring the site. We were simply talking but over time as we shared more and more about ourselves to eachother, we realized that we found our “other half”. Our situations and circumstances in our lives are very alike. I should mention that the woman in this story is also married (we’ll call her Anne).
Both of us have been in a bad “marriage” from the very start and even told eachother of how much we wanted out.
We are both spiritual people and want to do the right thing as well as not hurt anyone else. When we found eachother and ever since we both have felt that God brought us together. In fact, religion and God has played a huge roll in our relationship. In trying to do whats right we have tried to take “breaks” from eachother. We’d start out by trying not to communticate for a month and concentrate on what we’re “suppose to do” in our respective homes. We spent and spend so much time in prayer hoping for an answer or for God to “open a door”. Well, we tried the “not communicating” about 5 or 6 times and it would only last a few days before we simply couldn’t be without eachother. We both agree that if we hadn’t met when we did that there was a strong possibility that we both would have been able to find the courage to leave by now but being in eachothers lives has helped us endure or put up with the negativity in our “marriages”. The “marriage” I’m in has been for the most part Over for some time now and was before I ever met Anne and she informs me of the same where she is at. We both stay “stuck” in these “marriages” for the sake of others including the spouses that are negative and bring us down. We both try so hard and we Look to God to see if He’ll either reconcile these “marriages” or show us a way out.
Every single thing about us and our relationship screams positive, holy and divine. We both want the same things. We have almost everything in common including our Love of God and the diesire to do things the right way. We have met once for one hour last fall and that solidified us even more. The bonds we have with eachother in every aspect are stronger than we have ever known before. The “lust” you mentioned is not a factor in our relationship. In fact, we have kept the talk of sex out of our relationship except by saying that it would be Beautiful if and when God shows us the way to be together, (by that I mean married).
At this point, we are again not communicating, searching and praying for an answer, and we are both miserable. We both know we have found the love of our lives and want the same things. When we’re apart life is hard and even sad But when we’re together so strong is the Love and the light and we feel Gods presence every second. We both want so much to be together and we want to do whats right. Both of us are virtuous, honest people and know that this is for real. And neither one of us wants to be a “hypocrite” and leave a marriage for another, but sometimes think that thats what it would look like.
Our “marriages” have been over before long ago, its just that we met and fell in Love before the paper work was done. We are so very good for eachother and compliment eachother in every way. We both want the love and happiness that we know the other can and will provide as well as serve God side by side. We Love eachother and want to be with eachother. Anne and I share our Love for the Lord and we often share scripture verses with eachother and one of them stands out for us both.
Matthew 18:19 ” if two of you shall agree on earth as touching anything that theyshall ask, it shall be done for them of my Father who is in heaven.”
We Both Agree.
Thank you for this opportunity. We both pray for the way that we can be together.
Angie Wyatt
16. Jul, 2011
William, Thank you for sharing your story. I’ve previously counseled people through similar situations. This is more common that you might think. So, I think a dialogue will help many of our readers. Since the situation is complicated, I’m going to use this as prompt for a new blog. I’ll post next week.
Angie
Jon
30. Aug, 2011
William,
You are being deceived in thinking that another married woman is the answer to your unhappiness in your own marriage.
I have been married 11 years and there are many, many times I feel like quitting or like finding that other special person who will just make me feel the way I want to feel.
But, it just doesn’t work this way. To quit and walk away, and ruin two marriages and families as a result, in order to satisfy one’s own desires is the easy way out and the wide road that many take in this “feel good” society.
I do not wish to judge you and I don’t. You sound like someone who dearly loves the Lord, but simpy take this as a small word of counsel. I can easily say the same thing to myself, as again, I often feel like divorce is the right choice…but it is not. What God has brought together, let no man tear apart…
If Love is not in your relationship, then place it there….put love where it is not and in that very process, over time, you may just find that the person you think you no longer love is actually worth your enduring the pain and misery that you are experiencing.
Because I am a poor sinner, I can easily look at myself and see that the very root of most problems in my own marriage is the direct result of my own “selfishness.” Focusing on oneself only leads to unhappiness, unfulfillment, and despair in some cases because we and whatever else we fill our lives with materially can never truly satisfy the spiritual longing we have for God in our hearts.
To say that you both talk about the Lord and have the same goals etc. is to buy into the deception of the enemy who would like for nothing else than to break up your marriages. Rememeber, the purpose of your marriage to to help prepare your spouse for heaven and your spouse to help prepare you…if that means that when you walk in the door every day from work, the first thing your spouse does is yell at you or say something to hurt your ego, then be of good heart my friend because you are being put into the fire….a testing gound, yes, but even more so, a purifying self-emptying fire that allows you to focus on God in every situation and not you…that allows you to love your wife and family as God loves his Church, that allows you to truly find out who you are and enable you to become all that God in His love wants you to be. Be couragious and brave and don’t take th easy way out. Many have and many are left wanting because of it…May God bless you, your wife, and your family abundantly.